Parental leave

Lately I find myself more and more distraught by the lack of paid parental leave and support. I'm 99% sure I am done having babies, so I won't have to endure this stressful period again. And how sad that it is so stressful. Yes, the haters will say it's my choice or your choice to have children. So, it's our own issue to work out and no one else's responsibility. But what happened to the village? To the thought of a community? And supporting one another, supporting mothers. 

My first child, my company covered 60% of my salary through the disability. and 1 month later, in the next year they were covering 100% of the disability period. Of course, I tried to ask if they could make the exception for me but then they'd have to do it for everyone in the corporation. Lucky me, ended up with a c-section so I got 2 additional weeks of 60% pay. But there is a 1 week waiting period in there too and you get nothing for that week! 

I'd love to have time to learn the research behind the medical reasons for 6 weeks disability for a vaginal birth and 8 weeks for c sections. And also, to learn how we ended up at 12-week FMLA. Why just 12 weeks? Why did we cap it then when it was created? And mind you, for most 12 weeks is UNPAID but legally allowed, you won't lose your job. But there are horror stories out there about how people come back to new roles and their prior role has been eliminated or given to another employee. And what about others who had their babies premature? Some are back to work before their baby is out of the hospital or barely home with them! Or babies born with unforeseen health conditions. 

And then there are those lovely health insurance deductibles. Why can't we have a loophole for pregnancy? Hear me out, if your child is due into the next year....the deductible carries over. Like with my second baby, my $2k or $3k deductible was hit and then new year, sorry mama, go back to go and start over! I'm still paying off that $6k bill! It could be $2k less.

My second pregnancy, I had to pay out of pocket for my disability. I can't remember if it was 100% or 60%. My boss was a great guy and helped pay the difference through the leave for the insurance portion. This helped me cover the excessive insurance rates I was paying (about $1,000 + per month and in the end, I had to pay them that extra money back in premiums, but any little bit helps at this rate. 

But with each pregnancy, there was no transitioning me back into the workforce. It was as if I took a 12-week vacation. There should be onboarding again into the workspace. Why isn't this part of all HR requirements for parents? We need to support parents more in the workforce. What will keep employees loyal and dedicated? Take care of them. Returning to work postpartum is different and individualized. For me, it was very emotional and challenging both times.

With my second daughter, I even called the Labor Department to cry to them about the pathetic 12 weeks for FMLA. He suggested that I start a GoFundMe to bring awareness to the issue. I just felt so sad and so damn angry that I wasn't given more time to heal, recover and bond with my children. And then most companies don't even have parental leave for dad, or some are minimal time frames. And we have it ingrained in societies heads that childrearing is the mother's work. So why should the dad stay home? It has to change. And we all have to have these conversations, ask the questions and keep pushing. 

I try to ask men that I do business with about their paternity leave, if any and see their thoughts on the entire process here. A lot them agree, mothers deserve more, and they want to be able to support their partners more. And I also asked my current company their policy for pregnancy. Shocked to find out it is just 60% pay for disability, a large and publicly traded company can't manage to do 100% for dedicated mothers. 

Look, yes, we all have survived this, and you know why? Because mothers are literally magical creatures. But we all deserve MORE and better. Longer paid maternity leave, more support returning post maternity leave, more paid leave from our spouses and just overall, more support. This helps make them better employees in the end, I promise you. I yearn to work for a company that really gives a crap about me as a working parent and supports future parents. It matters to me now, before kids maybe it didn't. But I can't just sit back and not talk about it and not try to advocate for a better future. It won't change my story and situation, but it can help future parents out there!